Sunday, July 17, 2011

The Big Cheese Takes the Heat

Guido and Vinny would have been proud.

It was a dark and stormy night.... Oh wait.  No, it wasn't really, but it  did rain a little bit that afternoon.

The mob arrived one guy at a time.  Oh wait.  I take that back... It's all coming back to me now... [Insert Flashback Music Here]

Jacob and Adam arrived first - in fact they were waiting here for us as we pulled up the driveway into the garage. Then the rest of the gang arrived.  One guy at a time until the whole mob was here.

Today was the day for The Big One.  Again.  This time they meant it.  Six feet.  Six feet and they'd finally put that thing to rest!  Or would they?

Jacob went to work cuttin' up The Spuds.  Then he dropped them into hot oil.  Adam began to shred The Big Cheese with the Cuisinart.  I know... It's a cruel way to go.

They took out The Tortillas - and laid 'em flat!  In fact, they were one on top of the other.  Pasted together with refried beans.

Bacon.  Sausage.  Chorizo.  Into the hot oil with The Spuds!  It was a mess.  A greasy mess.  And to add insult to injury, they beat up about a dozen of The Eggs and threw them into the pot to stew with all the slaughtered animals.

When they had enough of the heat, it was spread on top of the whole Tortilla gang.  Then Jacob and Adam tried to cover it all up.
Then they tried covering that all up with more of the Shredded Big Cheese.  
So much for Adam's motto:  "Don't Worry.  We can make it fit."  Adam and Jacob forgot that they would never get this mess into the oven.  But... Phil was packin' heat...

He had a heat gun.  Eight hundred degrees of pure heat.  Problem solved. That would make anyone melt, but certainly it would do in the Big Cheese.
Jacob got the gun and finished the job.  New motto:  "Don't Worry Ma'am.  It's all in a day's work."

When Jacob got all The Big Cheese melted, he severed the whole thing into sections and divided it up among the mob.  At about 12" wide and 30" long, it was more than most of the gang could handle. 
It was an oozy, lumpy mess...

Yet everyone sat down at the dining room table to share the bounty and imbibe "The Usual."  Punch, that is... Mango Citrus and Passion Fruit Citrus this time, mixed with Lemon-Lime soda and Pina Colada mixer.

Adam reminisced about his childhood when he drank nothing but Lime Jarristos, he said.  He and Phil left the scene to go buy a few bottles.

Skippy  couldn't take it anymore.  He just couldn't handle all the smells.
Meanwhile the gang took turns torturing Rocky by scratching his licking spot until Rocky couldn't take it anymore and he puked on the floor.  Good thing!  Rocky had been trying to hide the fact that he'd eaten some kind of plant.  We're going to have to get some TSA equipment here to scan him from now on.

Eric did what others only wished they could have done.  Fighting the effects of the onset of food coma, he hit the floor.
It wasn't until the mob left that we discovered it.  Someone in the gang left his mark on the kitchen floor - dripping chorizo sauce in the shape of a happy face.  Were they having fun or just being nasty?

Stay tuned.  Maybe next week we'll find out.

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